Going Home

Today was a day I will never forget, because it was a day of significance in my spiritual journey with the Lord.
I'm going to open my heart & be completely honest here, not that I'm not normally. But this is very personal & will be difficult for me to share at times. Here goes.....

I have really been unchurched since 1999. The reason? The list would take to long to write, but there were different situations & circumstances beyond my control & lots of excuses mixed in between. Times when I was able to go, I just didn't. I had no real desire. During this time, I allowed bitterness to seep into my heart. That's really hard for me to admit, but it's the truth. I talked about it in a previous post, October 12th titled "Changes." But I allowed others experiences effect me. Others pain, become my pain. I said this before, I have had to take myself out of the equation. I never realized how powerful bitterness is. I became bitter over 1 thing & it drowned so many other areas of my life. It clouded my vision to where I couldn't see anything clearly. I didn't realize just how bitter I was, either. But that's how bitterness works. I see it as a disease that comes in & takes over, tangling itself around every part of your insides. It's nasty.

When D & I moved back to Bama 2 years ago, I really wanted to get involved in a church. We visited a few places, but nothing really felt quite right. We weren't looking for the 'perfect' church, but we were looking for the 'perfect' church for us. In our almost 6 years of marriage we have never really worshiped in the house of the Lord as Husband & Wife. Isn't that awful? Can you imagine? 2 people who were in the ministry not even in church....Crazy! Anyway, Keith told me awhile back about praying in details. So, I started working on a detailed prayer list. And on it was for us to find a church.

I grew up at Kingwood A/G. I went there from the time I was 3 yrs old, until I was 23, spent 2 years in MC there & it was my 2nd home. I was there for every activity & every time the doors were open. But things began to happen there, with peoples lives & I became very bitter towards that church & the people there. I even said I would never step foot back into that church.

Well, when I began my detailed prayer list, every time I would pray about a church for us, Kingwood would always come up. I would push that thought away real quick. I was also praying that if I had any bitterness in my heart for the Lord to reveal it to me. And He did. I went to someone that I had held ALOT of resentment towards & told them. Once I did that the scales that had covered my eyes for so long, began to fall away. I began to see things in a different light. The hard edges were becoming soft & smooth. God layed Kingwood on my heart very heavily after that. I prayed alot about it. And it wasn't a decision that I took very lightly. And the Sunday before I went to Texas, we were going to go to Kingwood, but I got food poisoning, so we stayed home. But I believe everything happens for a reason & that day was not my time yet. In Texas God whispered some small things to me. And I found myself looking forward to actually going to church.

I got up this morning to get ready & there was an incredible peace surrounding me. I am normally nervous & jaded when I go to Kingwood. But not this time. When the service began, it was the most amazing feeling. It felt like going home. For the first time in 6 years, I have felt whole...Complete. I was emotional throughout the service, but I didn't know what awaited me tonight.

It wasn't a normal service. They did a thing called 'Prayer Quest', were rooms in the church were set up with different themes. Like, marriage, Missions, hurricane Relief & America. And they gave us a guide to know where everything is & the whole church went into the rooms they wanted & prayed over these things. It was awesome. Well, there was a room set up for Masters Commission. D & I went straight there. I was overwhelmed by that room. They had all kind of things listed on the walls to pray for & in the center of the room was a table with every name of every person who has walked through the MC doors at BMMC. I lost it when I saw that. How amazing it is to know that we are all being prayed for & we are all loved, even though we don't always feel it.

God reminded me that this exact time 13 years ago, I sat alone in my bedroom, hurting, on the verge of ending my own life , crying out for help & He answered. I gave my heart to him on October 25th, 1992. Here I am today, not born again, not rededicated, but RENEWED. I have come home....Kingwood is my church & that's where I plan to stay, unless the Lord decides to move me. Kingwood isn't for everyone & is not a 'perfect' church , there isn't such a thing here on earth, but it's the place for D & I. It felt so comforting to sit in a pew with my beloved husband & worship with him. I look forward to experiencing this new journey with D. This is a place we have never been before. This is actually a dream come true for me. Some of those detailed prayers have definitely been answered today.

I sure this will shock some of people. Especially the ones that knew just how jaded I was towards that church. But all I know is, if the Lord can take someone like me, who has had a disgusting, vile mindset about things & change me. And for me to call Kingwood home again. God can do anything! Believe me. Nothing is impossible with Him.

Create in me a pure heart, O God
And RENEW a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalms 51:10