Condition of the Heart

I have really been listening to God, really listening. Really speaking to Him. And not the normal get me through the day kinda prayers. He has been speaking to me more now that he has in years. Not because He wasn't trying. I have kept my heart so guarded. And I'm really not sure why.But the thing is, I didn't realize to what extent I was protecting it. Not that I wasn't living 'right' or anything. I had just allowed things to cloud my vision, because of this I became cynical at times. Judging others. Sometimes rather harshly. At times I would maybe tell say what I thought about others & situations & other time I would keep those thought to myself.
Something God has really been speaking to me is that you don't know the condition of some ones heart. Only He does. You have no clue, what God has done in their life. Change sometimes takes a really long time to take place. But then sometimes it is instantly. You never what God is speaking into their heart, when their head hits the pillow at night. When they are driving to work, in the shower, sitting in church, dealing with stress. When God does something, in the inmost workings of someone's heart, they aren't necessarily going to shout it from the roof tops. They will allow the change to take place & continue to walk ahead. I know when I used to hear of someone passing away & I didn't think they were a Christian , I used to think, "hmmm, I bet they went to hell." Isn't that awful that I would think that? But who am I to think that kinda thing? I don't know what type of change took place in that person. They may have cried out to the Lord moments before their death. Or maybe something took place in their heart a week before. Someone can say or do something today, but the Lord gets ahold of them & they make changes in the way they handle things tomorrow. The thing is, you never know. Who am I too judge? I keep hearing people say, "we need to be Christ-like" or "what would Jesus do?" Shouldn't we be saying "what DID Jesus do?" What DID he do? Think about that a minute...He loved unconditionally. He loved those that no one would even dare look at. When people messed up, he loved them anyway. Unconditional means: not conditional or limited, absolute, surrender. It is so hard to be like HIM, non-judgemental & to love unconditionally. We can try too, but we will never master it. Shouldn't we give the same grace to others that has been bestowed on us?
We constantly judge each other by things we have said or have done. But do we ever stop to think, that people change. We never give anyone the benefit of the doubt. We immediately judge them by their old actions. Aren't we a new creation in Christ? When we give our hearts to the Lord, it isn't always an instant miraculous event. We aren't instantly this mature Christian. We are constantly evolving. I have be a born again Christian for 13 years & through those years, I've had my ups & my downs. My valleys & my mountain tops. There are times when I have grown so much & times when I have become stagnant. Times when I have longed for the Lord & times when I have pushed him away. Times when I have handled things in a Godly manner & times that I am ashamed of.
We are always assuming we know people. You never really know what people are capable of. You never know what's going on in their hearts & minds. Like when we are hurt, we say or do things very harshly. Emotions get involved & we can fly off the handle. But does that mean we feel that way all the time? Why are we always judging & never accepting? I am so guilty of these things. I know at times, I say things & as they are coming out of my mouth, God is already dealing with me. And I'm thinking, "Why the heck did I just say that?"
I have done majorly stupid things in the my life & still do them. I have said some awful things. I have had resentment towards people & situations. But I began to pray awhile back that any resentment & bitterness I had in my heart that God would show me. That I would truly forgive. I may not forget, but at least I would make peace. Sometimes we hold onto the things so long we forget they are there. God has been pulling things out of me. Things that are ugly. And it has been painful. But I feel so much better. I am learning how to handle things differently now. When I get upset, instead of immediately taking action. I am trying to step back & allow God to do His work. But believe me, it is so difficult to give Him control...lol. I have learned & am learning that I don't know what's best for me. But He does. He has a plan. He knows the future. And I'm sure he gets tired of having to clean up my messes. I would rather, follow Him into situations, than have to cry for help after the fact. Don't get me wrong of course, I ain't gonna be perfect when it comes to this stuff. Sometimes the flesh takes control & I don't stop it. But I want to allow the Spirit to lead me. I want to listen to Him.
Sorry this post is super long, I just wanted to share what is going on inside of me Spiritually. Thanks for reading. :)